Today would have been his 51st birthday.

We miss Leif every day, and at any unexpected time, something can open the door to feeling his loss and the grief of knowing he's never coming back. and that he suffered. But human beings mark time with dates; birthdays, anniversaries of significant events, holidays, and those are particularly hard. Why should one day be any different from another? Should or not, they are. Remembering Leif's birthday not only brings thoughts of his birth and babyhood, but all the years he lived, marked with birthdays and celebrations. Birthdays mark the years completed in our lives, a measure of our age and the length of our time upon the earth. 

Leif's birthday will always be special to us, for the gift of his life, and for the memories of the birthday parties and milestones he passed. Some years seem to be more poignant and sad than others. Today seems to have hit us hard. Our family, and our hearts, will forever have a huge hole in them. 

This photo was taken when Leif was a high school senior, fall 1992, and was one of his senior portraits, taken by Blaker Studio Royal in Manhattan, Kansas. They liked it so much they make a huge enlargement of it to display. I wish we had it. The other pose they took is beautiful, too. He was such an unusual young man. At that time, luxurious long hair was not common on men, yet he chose to embrace it. He also had his own taste in clothing, which was (except for the ubiquitous jeans) different from his fellow high school students. Here, he's wearing a green silk shirt. He wore chain link jewelry (like chain mail) he made himself. He wore unusual colors, and a long, black leather coat. As a high school senior, he was working and also taking classes at Kansas State University at the same time. He was one of the first to have a cell phone, a little Motorola flip phone. Like one of his friends later said, he was always at the forefront. 

Later, male pattern baldness started to remove that glorious hair, so he shaved his head and grew a beard. He was still handsome, and still the individualist. 

He had dreams he never realized. He had loves that left him bereft. He had ambitions that didn't come to fruition, and health challenges that limited him. Yet, he served his country in the US Army, graduated from college, and saw more of the world than most people ever will. 

We are thankful he was part of our lives.