Monday, June 16, 2008

A Bittersweet Father's Day

Yesterday was a bittersweet Father's Day, as all holidays from now on are likely to be. We were so glad to be able to talk with Peter Anthony, and Marcus, and remember how fortunate we are to have such a wonderful son and grandson.

But, of course, there isn't any way possible to even think of Father's Day without realizing that, as Peter Walter said, "I'm less of a father now," that Leif is dead.

I'm surprised that he got through the day as well as he did. Leif was always there for Father's Day, every year of his life except when he was far away in the army. We thought he would be there this year, and many years to come.

Peter W. thinks that my writing this blog isn't good for me, that it makes me focus on Leif and not get on with life. He keeps asking me how I am. He thinks I should take a break from this.

I don't know. How am I? Some parts of the day seem fairly normal, but it doesn't take much to scratch the think surface veneer and send me into tears. I don't think that taking a break from this will help, because I don't think I will have Leif any less on my mind, and it helps to remember him and all the things about his life.

However, since it seems to matter to Peter, I am going to try to take a break until next Sunday. We shall see. I believe I will be anxious to get back to writing this blog about Leif.

I miss him every day. It is not getting easier.

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