A Few Last Photos of Leif in Uniform in 1998

I think these were taken when Leif was in either Azerbaijan or Uzbekistan with UN exercises in September 1998. You can see that he still has that jaunty pride about him, that confidence, and that he was still enjoying life and even the army. How I wish he had been able to continue that way. I will always wonder what happened to trigger the asthma that ruined his life in the army and that as a possible career. He said that when they were in Uzbekistan they were down in the sand breathing dust and sand for two weeks and i've always wondered if that was what started it. We will never know.

I still have his boots, a pair of his BDUs (known as fatigues in "my day") and his dress greens (Class A uniform) in my closet and his dog tags hanging in my bedroom. If he had a child, I would pass them on, but for now, they are just another memory for me, evidence of a period of his life along with so many other things of his I don't know what to do with. You can sell a car, but what do you with personal items like that? I gave away his clothes and shoes to a church thrift shop that helps migrant workers though Peter W. saved some of Leif's shirts, but the uniform seemed somehow significant, far more significant than a regular civilian shirt or pants. The uniform signifies his service to our country and something he identified with more deeply that most people could ever understand.

Leif in Desert Camouflage Uniform Circa 1999

I don't know for sure where these photos of Leif in DCUs (desert camouflage uniform were taken. They are the only ones in the pile of photos I found scattered loose in a box of his things. In the others, he is wearing the usual green BDUs (battle dress uniform). To my knowledge, the only time he was in a desert was when they went for the UN exercises in Azerbaijan and Uzbekistan, but this could have been part of a training mission before going overseas. The third photo of him standing with his machine gun and ammo belts over his shoulders, was taken in what appears to be a staging area for moving out, either to the field or to transportation elsewhere. His huge and heavy pack was on the floor near him, but there was a large floor fan in that part of the photo and I cropped it out.

Leif, as an infantry soldier, had to carry an extremely heavy load. I can't remember the exact amount but I think Leif told me that with his pack and his machine gun he was carrying his own weight and he had to be able to march for miles and even to run with that amount of weight on him. The machine gun was considerably heavier than the normal M-16 rifle.

These are also the only photos that show Leif with his face camouflaged. The reason the top of his forehead is isn't made up is because it would have been covered by his helmet or cap.

I can place the photos are pre-2000 because by that time he was shaving his head. He still had hair in 1999.

LIke many of the other army photos of Leif, these originally showed other men in his unit but I don't know who they are and don't have their permission to post their photos.

Posting Leif's photos showing only him makes it possible to focus on him, but in another way it gives a false picture, as though he was always alone. Instead he was often with others and interacting with them.

Leif was a proud soldier and deeply identified himself as a soldier. It wasn't until the last year he was in the army, suffering from asthma and treated as though he were a malingerer and denied the promotion he was due and medals he earned that he became discouraged, depressed and demoralized.

He was the best gunner in the battalion. It should have been his place to shine. He should have been promoted and been able to use his fine leadership abilities. So many times, his hopes and dreams were dashed.

Leif Tries Out a Fighter Plane Cockpit - circa 1984 - Hawaiii - Age 9

Aside from exciting things like movies and television shows that sparked my sons' interest in the military and aircraft, there were chances like this where Leif got to climb into the cockpit of a fighter plane; heady stuff for a 7-year-old!

Leif wanted to see a fighter plane, up close, so his dad took him to see a plane at Hickam Air Force Base in Honolulu, where we lived from the summer of 1983 to the summer of 1986. This was a National Guard plane and the pilot was there with Leif. He was in the photo but since I don't know who he was or whether he would want his photo online, I cropped it.

In this photo, Leif is wearing kid's camouflage BDUs ("battle dress uniform" for you civilians) that Peter W. bought in Korea when he was there on TDY (temporary duty). Leif was thrilled to have them and loved wearing them.

Little did we know that he would be wearing the adult version for real, though as I've already mentioned, his hoped-for Air Force career was not to be, and as he found out as a high school sophomore, he couldn't be an Air Force pilot because he was too near-sighted.