Not Always a Happy Child

Peter W. remarked to me yesterday that when he looks at this blog, he sees that Leif had such a good life as a child, was such a happy child. I answered that one reason it looks that way is that we are usually likely to photograph people when they are smiling and happy, so that's not always an accurate picture of the rest of their lives.

Leif did have a good childhood, but he wasn't always smiling and happy. Like any child he had his ups and downs, disappointments and frustrations. I photographed some of those moments, too, and I have pictures of him looking serious, contemplative, bewildered, pouting, and a variety of other expressions, especially when he wasn't really aware of the camera with someone telling him to smile. When you think about it, why do people have to tell us to smile in photographs? Because we want photos of people smiling. They are more pleasing, generally. However, if it was natural to smile for the camera, or we felt like doing it, no one would have to tell us to.

Leif had the usual assortment of childhood tantrums, upsets, and hurt feelings, though as he grew, he was more and more self-contained and unlikely to reveal much about them. When he became a man, he had almost completely erased showing much emotion or allowing his hurt or misery, or even anger, to show, though he felt them deeply.

As an adult, he took many self portrait shots and usually was not smiling in them. I've posted some of them here. Although I like posting the childhood photos of Leif that show him happy, even joyous, perhaps in the interests of a more well-rounded view of him, I should post some others, like the one above.

This shot was taken of Leif in the backyard of our old stone house in Manhattan, Kansas, in July 1976, shortly before we moved to Charlottesville, Virginia. He was one-and-a-half years old. He's climbing onto the glider on our swingset. Little mister adventurous, barefoot and all. He looks so serious!

Leif & Peter Anthony on a Swing - Tokyo, Japan - May 8, 1983

I wish I knew which park this was in Tokyo. We only went to this one once, and it was on May 8, 1983, when our time in Japan was dwindling. We moved to Hawaii about two months later.

It was a fun trip and the boys enjoyed all the playground equipment, especially this unusual swing, which they had going very high.

I was still taking both black and white and color photos in those days, and I think this is the same park where I took photos of Peter Anthony sitting beside a monkey, the two of them imitating each other.

Peter W. and I were talking today about the best times of our lives. They were the years when we had our children together and they were young, the years we spent in Charlottesville, Virginia, Germany, Japan and Hawaii, from the summer of 1976 to the summer of 1986. Those were a charmed ten years, a wonderful decade with our boys. We got to experience so much of the world, experience their growing and becoming. We were together, and their problems were small and solvable then. Ours were, too. We were young and vital and happy.

Oh, yes, we had our moments of frustration and anger, our days of irritation and unhappiness, but they passed quickly and were washed away by all the good days and happy times. We were so lucky to have them.

We are so lucky still, to have those memories and the photos to take us back to those days.

In these photos, Peter A. was 14 and Leif was 8 years old, and they were happy, too.

Leif on Swing - 19 Months Old - Charlottesville, Virginia

Since Leif was always so big for his age as a child, it's hard to remember sometimes that he still WAS a small child. He looks positively tiny on this swing, and the reason he looks so serious was twofold. First, he didn't feel very secure or steady on this swing. There was nothing keeping him on there but his own two hands, unlike many swings for really small children, and he was tired. We were at a picnic for the Judge Advocate General's School at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville and he had worn himself out.

Leif loved playground equipment as a child, especially anything that provided a feeling of movement and speed, like a swing or merry-go-round, or anything he could climb on.

When he got older, he managed to combine both those sensations with a motorcycle.