Leif's Fifth Home - Sagamihara, Japan - Summer 1980 to Summer 1983

With all the photos I've posted of Leif in Japan and all I've written about life there with him, it's hard to believe that I can't find a single photo of the quarters we lived in there. There were so many fascinating things to photograph in Japan, and so many interesting people, but our quarters were pretty dull and apparently I didn't think they were worth a photo. This is the closest thing I've found and it only shows a little bit of the front of the building. I posted a cropped version of this photo when I was writing about Halloween, since this one was taken of the "ghost" that Peter A. and Leif were trying to scare people with on Halloween in 1982. Leif is on the roof over the front door area dangling the ghost over trick-or-treaters and he and Peter A. (wth their dad's help) were making plenty of scary noises. Of course, it was a lot darker than this photo shows.

The townhouse type quarters were in the Sagamihara Army Family Housing Area in Sagamihara, Japan. Our building was the last one, farthest away from the entry gate, all the way around by the back gate. There were three townhouse sets of quarters in a row and we were in the middle unit. The front door opened into the living room, with a stairway going up to the second floor right ahead of the doorway. We had a dining room and a kitchen also on the first floor, and four bedrooms on the second floor. One was very tiny, scarcely big enough for even a bed, and I had some things stored in there along with our digital keyboard that we would go in and play.

It was all very simply furnished with quartermaster furniture (belonged to the army, for you civilians) and we hadn't shipped much over to Japan as there is a weight limit that controls how much can be shipped. However, we had a great time acquiring things during our three years in Japan . . . all of us. The boys enjoyed the Japanese toys, our computer, which we got in 1982, and we got some lovely pieces of porcelain, prints, and rugs.

Our set of quarters faced a large grass area as we were set back off the street. There was another set of four quarters along on side, and the other side had a small wooded area, plenty of space for the neighborhood kids to play.

Behind our house was the fence dividing our American housing area from part of the Japanese residential area. We didn't have any way through the fence or know any of the Japanese on the other side, but there was one family named Tanaka who had two boys that were roughly the same ages as our sons. Once in awhile the Tanaka boys would climb over the fence and come to visit. It was always a challenge because they didn't speak English and our sons didn't speak Japanese, and my Japanese was extremely rudimentary, but they had fun. The older Tanaka boy could solve the Rubik's Cube amazingly fast, something we never learned.

The three years in Japan were a wonderful time for us, as a family, culturally, and in many other ways.

While we were there, Leif learned to ride a bike, played t-ball and soccer, completed kindergarten, first and second grade at the John O, Arnn Elementary School, was in his first stage production, went to Thailand and Hong Kong, did a lot of sightseeing and hiking, and was in his first earthquakes. His best friends were Anil and Atul Phull.

One thing that happened that showed me his truly amazing memory was then when he was in only first grade, his class took a field trip to a silk worm farm. It was a LONG trip with many, many turns on small Japanese roads. He memorized the entire route and was able to tell me exactly how to get there.

Life in Japan had a profound influence on both our sons which lasted all Leif's life.

All I Really Wanted in This World - Peter W., Peter A. & Leif - Hong Kong - April 1983 - Age 8

I was brought up to be a career woman, an unusual thing in the 1950s and early 1960s. I had planned to have a PhD before I considered marriage. It was a big surprise to me when I fell in love and married at 18 and an even bigger surprise when I found myself desperately wanting to have children. Peter W. was and is my romantic sweetheart. He's my best friend, and he has been a wonderful father. Leif used to say that we (Peter and I) "won the marriage lottery" and he was right.

Peter Anthony is my Christmas baby, born December 25, 1968. He was a bright, fascinating, creatively gifted child, questioning and questing all of his life. He was outgoing, gregarious, like his father, and not intimidated by people at all.

Leif was brilliant, analytical, athletic, tall from the beginning, and inherited my shyness and reticence. Once he knew you, he was a blast, but until then, he would hang back and quietly assess the situation.

I loved being their mother. I loved being Peter's wife, and I still do. They were all I really wanted out of life. As I've written, all the rest was gravy. I had a lot of "gravy," travel, living in interesting places around the world, the chance for meaningful work, the chance to write, friends. I had a close, supportive and loving family.

This blog is about Leif, about his life and our love for him and what his loss means to us. Although it is a good picture of those things, in order to stay focused it leaves out the rest of our lives, and this picture is meant to restore just a little perspective.

Although Leif is gone and I will probably never get over that; although the sadness and grief is there, we also have memories we treasure, of him, of his brother, of our family's past. We are glad he was part of our lives for 33 years. I would never give that up.

And I will also remember and be thankful that I still have Peter W. and Peter Anthony. I still have the future with them. I have three beautiful, intelligent, healthy grandchildren. I still have my loving, supportive family. I am thankful I still have much of what I really wanted in this world. That doesn't take away the hurt of losing Leif, but it does make life worth living. It does make life good. I don't ever want to lose sight of what I have in my sadness over Leif's death.

That is one of the paradoxes of life. We can be happy and sad at virtually the same time.

Leif climbing the rocks - Hong Kong - April 1983 - Age 8

In April 1983 we went on a great trip from Japan, where we were living, to Hong Kong. The boys had a blast shopping. They bought things you wouldn't expect an eight-year-old and a fourteen-year-old to even look at, much less purchase. One thing they each bought was a snazzy "James Bond" style leather briefcase with built in combination lock. I'm not sure, but I think Peter A. still has his, and Leif still had his at least until his move from Kansas to Florida in 2005. They treasured those cases. I don't remember the other things they bought, except for Peter A.'s electronic chess set, but I know Leif did buy at least one cool toy.

We saw a great Chinese music and dance show, visited many places in Hong Kong, rode the Star Ferry, went to the jade market and Aberdeen. I think it was in Aberdeen that Leif was climbing on these rocks. As I've written, as a child, Leif never wanted to miss an opportunity to climb whatever was around to climb, and he was very good at it. It they had had those climbing walls that are around these days, I'm sure he would have loved them. He seemed fearless.

The odd thing was, he had a fear of heights, but it only manifested itself in places where he was very high up and there was no kind of enclosure around him or at least between him and the drop off, or nothing to hang onto. If he was climbing and had something solid to hang onto, he felt he had control. That was the whole issue, his being in control of the situation. I can't recall him ever falling when he was climbing.

I'm glad he had the chance to travel with us as a child, and some as an adult. I wish he'd been able to see all the incredible changes in Hong Kong when we visited it again in the October 2007, 24 years after he was there as an eight year old child.