Another Movie Leif Would Have Loved

One of the things Leif and his dad had in common was a love of movies, and their tastes were generally quite similar, and also quite eclectic. Since Peter continues to watch a lot of movies, it's frequently a way that we are reminded of Leif, particularly when it's a movie we know he would really have enjoyed.

Leif also had a great sense of humor and loved whacky stuff. One of the things he and I had in common was an odd sense of humor and one of his compliments for me was, "Mom, you're weird.:

A few days ago, Peter W. said he thought I needed to take a break and watch a good comedy. So often, movies he checks out that purport to be comedies aren't the least bit funny to me, so I was dubious. He said we were going to watch "The Ugly Truth." When I asked him what it was about, he couldn't tell me. He requests movies by the popularity lists for moves that are new on DVD and often doesn't really know what they are.

So, I sat down in the living room without high expectations . . . and soon found myself laughing out loud and saying how much Leif would have enjoyed this movie.

If you've been reading this blog all along, and you saw this movie, you would know why that's so without me having to say another word. Mike Chadway (played by Gerard Butler) has a television show telling women how to understand and date men, and he does so in very graphic, crude and somewhat cynical terms . . . and yet he's right on in a number of ways that Leif wrote about. Of course, it's fairly one-dimensional, which Leif would have agreed with, too, saying that men have to learn about intimacy.

The female lead, Abby (played by Katherine Heigl) is a tv producer and control freak who can't stand what Mike is dishing out but in the end agrees to try his advice to land a date with a "dreamboat." It works, but in the end, somewhat predictably, Mike and Abby fall for each other.

It's cute, funny, and spouts a lot of things guys will recognize, and it's quite entertaining. Leif would have been laughing uproariously and making a lot of comments. He wouldn't in the least have minded the graphic language.

I know that there will always be these moments when Peter and I look at each other and say, "Leif would have loved that," and wished we could share it with him as we did in the past.
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This photo of Leif was taken at the City of Refuge on the Big Island of Hawaii in the summeer of 1983. He was eight years old and we were just moving to Hawaii.

Leif Analyzing Himself and What He Wanted in Woman

I don't know for which online dating service Leif wrote this, but I think he wrote may have written it in late 2007 or early 2008. Appended to the end of it was a "treatise" on dating that I found in a more complete and separate from saved as his "old" Match.com profile from 2004. Since I already posted that (look for "dating" in the keywords and you will find it), I am not adding that part here.

Leif was very impressed with the Myers-Briggs Personality Test. One time he sent me email saying he "just about lost it" when he found a Myers-Briggs website that described him to a "T." He was really thrilled that somewhere, someone understood what he was all about.

Leif was fond of saying that he was unemotional, and on the surface, that was usually true, at least once he got control of his emotions as a child, but still waters run deep and he was a very emotional man under that calm and cool exterior.

Leif was so smart that it was hard for him to find either men or women who could keep up with what he considered a "real" conversation, not small talk, but substance, repartee, information. He placed a very high value on people who could provide the kind of intellectual companionship and stimulation he wanted and needed, but they were not easy to find. Many people were intimidated by his breadth of knowledge and his ability to argue a point.

It seems like an odd coincidence to me that today I was seeing several of my Facebook friends taking a Facebook app version of the Myers Briggs test, and then finding this profile of himself that Leif wrote. So here he is in his own words. The photo was taken September 10, 2004.
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INTJ Personality Profile

So Who am I? Well, first I am an INTJ. For those that have never taken the Myers Briggs personality test I highly recommend it. It will tell you a lot about yourself you likely did not consciously know. Just google "MBTI" to take the test and "INTJ" to find out what makes me tick.

I am an odd one. We only make up about 1% of the population. The short version is that I am an extremely analytical, but practical perfectionist that tends to look at life and everything as a problem to be solved and/or improved. Life fascinates me and ever since I was a kid I was always asking, "Why?" about just about everything. Failing to find answers to many questions I began to do what I do best and analyze the world myself.

I have come to realize many things via intuition and deduction that were never taught to me but just made sense. Often I would try to confirm such things with experts who would ask me where I learned them and they never believe me when I say I just figured them out myself. I tend to live most of my life inside my own head and at times people think I am anti-social or unfriendly. Neither are true; it's just that I am an introvert, so not very outgoing, and most often my mind is busy contemplating something like evolutionary biology and how it related to gender roles or some such thing that most people don't really want to talk about.

I have a hard time staying involved in small talk or discussions of who is winning the game on TV. What I am looking for in general is a mind that is as hungry for epiphany as mine, that is open enough to have their ideas challenged and to learn from those challenges and become wiser and more enlightened. Such souls are rare.

When it comes to a perfect relationship I think its about balance, finding a mate with complimentary characteristics so they are strong where you are weak to compensate for your shortcomings and weak where you are strong so you may feel needed and vital. Opposites attract but there must be commonality. I think the Yin Yang symbol illustrates this best; two halves, each containing a piece of the other, which allows for understanding but still complete opposites which balance each other and together form a complete circle.

For the common ground, to quote "High Fidelity", "It's not what YOU are like, its WHAT you like," meaning common interests. As to balance, what is my half? I am strong, masculine, intellectual, and analytical. I am rational, not emotional. I don't get stressed and am cool under fire. I am solid, stable, extremely honest ,and loyal. I am polite, courteous, and a gentleman. I am dominant in personality, but not domineering or controlling. I am protective, and passionate.

What am I missing and seek in my better half is feminine compassion, a woman that is perhaps a bit more giving, empathetic and accommodating than I tend to be in my relatively detached rational logic. Someone that is sweet and silly and unafraid to be herself the way that little kids are before they learn that they are supposed to be cool. I have found that cute silly misfits and lovable dorks are much more magnetic and attractive than any of the "cool" people.

I want a woman who knows what she wants and what she doesn't want and can recognize the deeper more valuable traits in a person beyond what is superficial, ephemeral, or fiscal. I would love a woman that knows what the word ephemeral means, or at least is curious enough to look it up. (Admittedly I only learned it from someone I dated a couple years ago).

I want a woman that I can sit down with at a Starbucks or a pub and discuss any range of advanced subjects from political philosophy, to sexual psychology, to quantum physics. A woman that can teach me something and is curious enough to be interested when I expound on the physics of traction and why front wheel drive cars suck.

I don't mind a woman being spiritual as long as she thinks for herself and doesn't let a church or an ancient book dictate her thoughts or morals without confirming t
hem from her own analysis. If you are a believer, that does not mean we are inherently incompatible, just know that I am a scientist and a philosopher and I will never blindly accept religious doctrine. Anyway, if you have read all of this and are still interested I would love to hear from you.

Leif on Dating - Speaking for himself in 2004

I am still finding things on Leif's computers that I haven't read before and today I came across this. He had saved it as his "old" Match.com profile statement, and it was written between March and December 2004. He saved this in January 2005, right before he moved with us to Florida.

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DATING SUCKS!!! Yeah, that's right. I must say that I really don't like being single. I think most people, especially men, go through a period where they like to sample as many women as possible for fun and to see what they like. For some that is a few years for others it is a few decades. One way or another I know mine is over. I know what I want and even thought I had found it once but it didn't work out.

I have the sort of parents that seem so scarce today, the ones that have been together for 40 years and are still cute together and very much in love. I want the same sort of romantic fairy tale that they seem to have.

Moving on, I guess I will go down the 'tips' list and tell you about me. My friends would describe me as funny, extremely intelligent, sometimes aloof, and while I don't try to push others around I have been told, "there is no getting you to do anything you don't want to do." I am a big guy, fairly muscular and strong, and some say I am "scary looking" like a bouncer, though I am probably one of the nicest and least aggressive people there are.

Fun in Kansas is limited to online video games and motorcycle rides. Thus, why I want to move. I am happiest and most at peace when enjoying something simple with someone special, which I am obviously not getting enough of.

What makes me proud? Two things: the time I spent in the Army and the fact that every one of my ex's, including my Ex Wife, will tell you themselves that even though it did not work out, that I am a great guy and I never mistreated them.

If I could have a super power it would be the "Jedi Mind Trick." That way when I get pulled over for doing 151 mph in a 45 mph zone I can say, "This isn't the bike you are looking for. I can go about my business." And it will work.

My perfect date cannot be done in the Midwest as we would need an ocean and a sunset and a beach front restaurant. But in Florida I know a place that would be perfect. And YES, I do believe in love at first sight.

I want a woman who is fun, that smiles a lot, that will lift me up not drag me down. I am attracted to all types of physical descriptions but I am a total sucker for redheads, natural or not. A flaw in match.com's system keeps saying I don't like redheads.

I like strong intelligent women that can take care of themselves but like to lean on someone now and then. I love innocence, but she must be mature as well. She should be sensual and affectionate. And she has got to have beautiful eyes and a pretty smile that I could stare at for decades to come. I want a woman that is loyal and committed that I can count on as much as she will be able to count on me.

Being an Army brat I have traveled a lot but at the cost of never having a lasting friendship. I want that sort of friendship that lasts forever. I want a woman that compliments me by being strong where I am weak and weak where I am strong. A Yin to my Yang that can make us both complete. Opposite, but with enough in common to understand each other. Different enough to always be fascinated by each other.

I tend to like women that are a bit Naive and hopeful and idealistic to balance my deep seeded cynical realism. Someone to be emotional and passionate to balance my logical reason. Someone that is outgoing and extroverted to offset my own shyness. Someone that will drag me out to do something crazy I would never do on my own. Someone who will cry in my arms after her delicate heart gets stepped on. I want someone that likes to be touched and is sensual and sexual. I want a woman that is feminine and considers herself a lady.

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Loneliness is a terrible thing. I wish he had found that woman.