Leif's Memorial Service at St. Petersburg Unitarian Universalist Church - April 29, 2008 - Homily, Psalm, Poem

The conclusions of our memorial "celebration of life" service for Leif included Beethovan's Moonlight Sonata, played by Ms. Byrne and then the homily delivered by Rev. Manish Mishra. We met for several hours with Rev. Mishra, telling him Leif's life story and his difficulties, depression and loneliness. He gave us a view of Leif's life which was moving and sad, and truthful, which was what we wanted. Following the homily, Ms. Byrne played Unitarian Hymn #123, "Spirit of Life."

Then Leif's sister-in-law, Darlene, read the Twenty-Third Psalm.



























Then we all recited Christina Rosseti's poem, "Remember," in unison.

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

The Rev. Mishra gave the Benediction and Extinguished the Chalice. The last piece of music played by Ms. Byrne was, "Think of Me" from "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber.
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The photos of Leif's parents beside the memorial table, and Leif's older brother, Peter and his grandmother, Marion Kundiger with them, shows his photograph, the unlighted chalice, and the composite photo of Leif's life that Darlene made for us. On the last photo of the table, you can also see his folded memorial American flag from the military honors ceremony and the lei-draped photo of life, as well as the small infantry statue with the plaque Leif's father made to honor him when the army denied him his medals due to his asthma, and maile lei and green ti leaves from Hawaii. The beautiful leis and ti leaves were sent to us by friends in Hawaii, Bud and Barbara Kagan. The lei has dried and still hangs like that on the same portrait of Leif.

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Beginning tomorrow I will post some video of parts of the service.
Thank you to those who gave permission to post their photos, and to those who took them.

The Surprises of Grief

Peter's cousin Wofgang Schneider in Heidelberg, Germany, and his family, sent this beautiful candle in remembrance of Leif. The poem on it says:

I'm not there
anymore
where I've been
but I'm everywhere
you are
In the night
I'm the stars sparkling light
On every day
I'm the sunlight's ray
shining
on you.

It's such a beautiful thought, and I wish it to be true. But Oh, how I miss my son!

There are things no one ever tells you about grief, not just missing the person, or wondering why this had to happen, and all that goes with those feelings. Other things sneak up on you unawares.

We got our wills redone yesterday. It's true that it's a formality, because it won't change anything about our heirs, but it seemed so sad and so lonely to put down just one son's name, as though I only had one son. I know that's not the reality of it, just that only one is still here to inherit whatever I have to leave behind when I die, but it's the meaning of writing down that there's only one now. In 33 years, I've never put down just one name.

How grateful I am that I have Peter Anthony, that he is my son.

Yet how hard it is to see Leif being erased from one document after another.

In choosing the photos to put on this blog, I find there are few of me with my sons. I was the one taking so many of the photos. I wish now I had more showing us together.

I also see how fast I am racing through the 33 years of Leif's life. Of the photos I scanned for the "slide show" I made of his life I'm nearly through the first year of his life. There are so many, many more I didn't scan and can't go back and do now. It's going to seem odd to post Christmas photos in June, but that's what I will do since I want a little continuity about his childhood in the blog.

My mother-in-law, who died in 2002, used to ask why we took so many pictures. I am so glad we did. They aren't enough.