26 Months Without Leif

Today it's been 26 months since Leif's death and it is still a shock. The mind still plays tricks, wanting us to think of him as alive, not wanting to let him go. He looks so alive and vital in his photos, looking out at me with those warm brown eyes.

This is another photo I had never seen before my cousin Marji sent it to me. It was taken almost exactly 19 years ago, on June 7, 1991, in Oregon when we were visiting Multnomah Falls with my Uncle Jerry. Seems amazing the weather was so cool, as we experience baking heat in Florida at the same time of year. Leif, Peter W. and I look so much younger and happier . . . and we were.

How I wish I could take Leif on one more trip . . . or many more trips. I'm glad we had the opportunities we did to be with him.

Someone commented on my last blog post, asking whether I believed in an afterlife. I've written about that on the blog before. I can conceive of the possibility, but find it improbable. However, there are so many incredible things about life and this universe I cannot say it's not possible, though even if there is an afterlife, I doubt very much that it is much like our conceptions of it.

The idea of an afterlife is immensely comforting to many people, but for me, the idea that I might see Leif again someday doesn't remove the fact that I miss him now, that I ache for the misery he went through, that I am sad for his loss and ours.